regret.... always comes at the end
regret.....always makes me like a fool and such a looser
regret.....something that I don't want to
but it just appears in my life

regret comes.....
colliding love and hatred
deep down in my soul

I wish...... I can turn back the time

I wish..................

Longing for You--part 2

Finnally, I met this man, last night. Is that mean God answered my prayer? who knows?
Anyway, the feeling was not as exploded as when I haven't met him before.

do I love him as much as when I haven't met him before?
love him...? or need him......?
kindda blur here and there

still stood still, tried to follow the rithm of the scenario
enjoy it
and see where it will lead me

Dalam matanya yang bening
Terbujur kesedihan yang teramat
Dingin senyumnya
Terbalut indah hangat kasihnya

Sampai kapan sukma kecil itu terpekur dalam pojok ruang hampa sang asa
Menjerit….
Meronta….
Lalu mengoyak topeng sang kekasih
Yang berbalut cinta nan penuh tangis
Dalam luka tak terperi

Para bidadari terdiam
Mengatupkan sayap-sayap patahnya
Hening…
Tak mampu berkata
Namun bening matanya‘tlah menjawab semua kegalauan hati

…I’ll show you my dark side
Would you still hold me tonight?

…I’ll open my heart to you
To show you my weak side
What would you do?

quotation frm a friend

dalam kelam, aku terjaga, tersadar dari peluh yang mencakar nafsuku, asaku dan sukmaku
dalam hina, aku menjerit, menangis, melenguh dalam gumulan desah nafas
dalam gemuruh, aku sunyi, melolong kesepian karena kau tak disisi

diatara hitam dan putih
mimpi dan realita
sunyi dan gemuruh
gelap dan terang....
hanya kau yang ingin kurengkuh
kucumbu
kuhirup
kulumat
dalam gairah cinta bercampur nafsu

salahkan selaksa jiwa yang berteriak cinta
tampar saja nafsu yang menarik gairah
lalu pasung khayal yang mencumbu mimpi

namun salahkah sukma kecil ini tuk sekejap merengkuh sukmamu, lalu kita bergumul dalam kabut asa kehampaan hingga klimaks dalam lumatan sinar matamu?

salahkah aku......
tuk dapatkan secuil saja indah dirimu?

12082006
memoar of a friend

Sunshine in My Heart

Hangat dalam beku
Damai dalam galau
Senyum disudut pedih
Terasa begitu melenakan

Ketika tangis tak lagi berderai
Ketika tawa sunyi menjadi penuh makna
Hati ini bergelayut dalam semunya indah

Salahkah?

27.11.2007

longing for you

I was wrote about a soulmate in the first month I made this blog.Up to now, I still don't know wether my soulmate really exist or not, cause my soulmate just haven't come up infront of my nose. So one day, my friends tried to be my match maker by putting me into a blind date with this mature man. unfortunately, it was canceled because his mother was passed away (poor him).

A strange sudden feeling embark into my soul, I just can't let him go from my mind. There's the time I do really want to pray to God just wishing all the best for him. Actually his "shadow" always on my mind and seems provoke me to start to pray to God again (It's been a long time since I stop or better to say "really rarely" pray to God 5 times a day--I'm a Moslem). The "patetic" moment was when I feel comfortable praying just to feel that through my prayer, I can "speak" also to this mature man.

Since that moment, I start to falling in love with this man, a man that I never speak to, a man that I never met. Is this feeling just a fake feeling? I don't know....
Just try to enjoy my feeling, I love this man, a man that I haven't met. I love him just because he able to "haunted" my soul and my mind and "lead" me to be a better person.

I put my hands into my heart,
praying that someday I can meet him,
and hoping that this feeling is a true one,
hoping that finnaly I found ......my soulmate......

tercabik
terkoyak
terlucuti seluruh harga diri

harap menguap
kasih mengambang

engkau bagaikan jerih yang bersembunyi dibalik kelembutan
asaku lunglai tak berdaya
hatiku menjerit
meronta
memekik
saat labirin menguap
hingga tersibaklah rahasia

pedih
perih
namun apa guna keluh
bila kata tlah terucap

Just shut your fucking mouth!

live is such a game
sometimes we loose
sometimes we win

the good part is when we enter the new level of the game
experiencing the adventure full of ecstasy
untill we reach the finish line

here we go again
back to the wild and crazy world (again!)
the world that I created with the tears and ego
the place for me to runaway from the pain and hatred
that I feel for a long time

hate my self
hate more each day

I'm in a great pain